


Eternity in a Moment

by vogue91



Category: Original Work
Genre: 19th Century, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Introspection, Russia, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:31:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Want me to tell you what I see? I see a girl who’s too young to cave to such sad and deep thoughts such as what the inhabitants of this city are doing of themselves. I see a face with sharp shadows, just as sharp as your thoughts are.” he brushed her damp hair away from her face, tucking them behind her ear. “But look past these features. Look deeper, pretend that this puddle is the sea. And look inside your eyes. Keep believing that one day is going to come someone capable of understanding them, reading them.”





	Eternity in a Moment

St. Petersburg. Petrograd. Whatever they wanted to call it, for Nika that place was just home.          

She had never been the patriotic one, she wasn’t proud of being Russian, too much blood was staining the flag of her country.

The only place she felt bound to was her city, ethereal, motionless, fixed at the age of its establishment.

She loved her St. Petersburg as if it was the mother she had no memory of. Its houses hosted her origins, its streets her education, its history a name. Victory.

She lived in the ancient home of her family with her father and her brother, Ilja. They led a simple life, lacking any form of amusement. Her father holed up in his office and spent hours there, Nika didn’t really know what he did there.

She imagined that often, though. She pictured him watching at the Griboedova channel, dreaming of travels in places across the border. After his wife’s death, nineteen years before a few months after Nika’s birth, her father hadn't left the city again. To travel, he always told her and Ilja, all he needed was his mind.

 

~

 

It was an afternoon in winter, February 1824. Nika was in her room, staring at the landscape outside her window.

It was raining, as it often happened that time of year. A penetrating cold seemed to pierce through her bones and, no matter how much she covered herself, she couldn’t help feeling it.

Her eyes were wandering, having fun following the droplets on the glass, fascinated by their evanescent trail.

Like her life.

She felt so useless in the eyes of the world. So little involved in the links of a system she avoided by her own choice. She was sure that no one could understand her and, after all, she was a woman, and a woman’s main duty was to keep quiet. And she complied with that role perfectly.

She only spoke with her brother, only one in the world who seemed to understand what she concealed deep inside her mind.

And it was her brother himself who came now to interrupt the train of his thoughts.

They were so different.

He looked a lot like their father, tall, his face round and amicable, framed by a thick mess of dark hair, he thought inherited by a lineage of their family coming from southern Europe.

Nika was the spitting image of her mother, according to the few photographs they had left and her father’s memory. Short, her features sharp, her hair blond. She didn’t really stand out there. The only thing they had in common were their eyes, of a blue so light to get confused with its surrounding. They expressed different things, but the girl had always liked finding something of herself in her brother.

“Nika, what are you doing?” he asked, smiling as usual. She shrugged.

“I'm looking at the rain.” she replied, her tone flat. He laughed.

“Can you come downstairs? There’s a friend of mine, I wanted to introduce him to you.”

His sister threw a strange look at him. He knew she didn’t really enjoy dealing with strangers.

“Do I have to? Can't you just tell him I'm feeling indisposed and that I can't come?” she begged her brother.

“Please, Nika. He’s new at my university, he comes from Ekaterinburg, and he doesn’t know anyone in the city. Be nice, for once.” 

She got up, unwillingly, and followed him downstairs.

Once in the living room, Nika saw a boy standing, intent staring a panting on the wall. He was tall, taller than her brother, but blond, almost as much as her. When he turned around she saw a pair of intense blue eyes. He smiled to her.

“Is this a copy of a Goya?” he asked her, without greeting her or introducing himself.

She frowned.

“It’s authentic.” she clarified, making him let out an approving sound.

“I never liked his style too much.”

Nika smiled.

“Me neither. Not of this particular painting, at least. I like better his historical paintings.”

“That’s true. Even though I found them unnecessarily crude.” he added, stepping toward her. “Aleksandr Volkov.” he introduced himself, holding out his hand.

“Nika Kataeva.” she replied, still staring at him.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” he didn’t stop looking either. Ilja, who was standing aside enjoying the scene, decided it was a good moment for him to intervene.

“Nika, I’ve got a class to attend. I was wondering if you couldn’t take Aleksandr around the city.” he said, still smiling. She opened her eyes wide.

“It’s four in the afternoon, Ilja. What class?” she asked, annoyed. Even though the boy had made a good first impression, the idea of spending the afternoon alone with him wasn’t too exciting for her.

“Literature. I'm sorry, I can't really miss it, I’ve got an exam in a few days.” he explained.

His sister had the impression that the whole situation was staged, but she didn’t question her brother’s excuse any longer, not wanting to appear too suspicious.

“Fine. It’s not a problem.” she murmured, glaring toward him.

Once he had left, she turned to look at her guest. She was about to say something, but he beat her to it.

“You’re not forced to spend the day with me, if you don’t want to.” he said, with a tone that Nika found quite tender. She smiled.

“Don’t worry.  I could use some time outside the walls of this house. I just hope you’re used to the cold and rain.”

He smiled back.

“I'm not. In Ekaterinburg it doesn’t rain this much. But I’ve always deemed myself a brave man, and it won’t be a little dampness to stop me.” he declared, making her laugh.

All in all, it was a nice feeling.

 

~

 

The rain was thicker than Nika had originally thought. It dimmed the contours of the city, lending it nuances of grey which made almost lose one’s mind in a dream. She found it was better to imagine, rather than see.

They had bene walking for quite a while, only their soaked cloaks covering them.

“I like this rain.” he said after a while. Until now they had kept quiet, contemplating. She smiled.

“I cannot believe that.” she replied.

“I do. I find it... captivating. In more than one way. Don’t you like it?” he asked.

“I adore it. I just find it weird for someone who’s not used to it to find it pleasant.”

Aleksandr shook his head and didn’t answer. They walked some more until they reached the Hermitage Theatre, and sat down. They didn’t talk much, both of them lost in their thoughts.

Seeing Nika’s face grow sadder and sadder, Aleksandr got concerned.

“I understand it matches the weather, but can I ask why do you have that look on your face?”

Nika didn’t answer right away.

There was a lot inside of her, all things she had always deemed unspeakable, even with Ilja. But that boy, a mere stranger to her, instilled in her a trust she had never felt before. Cautious, she started talking.

“The world we live in is wrong, Aleksandr. There are too many things without a definite place.” she raised her eyes on the palace in front of her. “Look at this city: I love it, and for me it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. But it hasn’t got any warmth. What you see is people, not human beings. They forgot how to live, and they just exist. What’s the meaning?” she asked, passionate. Right after, she blushed. She had never been so frank with someone.

He got up and grabbed her hand, leading her a few metres further, in front of a big puddle.

“Look, Nika, and tell me what do you see.” he murmured, leaving her alone to contemplate herself in what grey water mirror. She got closer, knowing already what she was going to see.

A shadow, and nothing more.

“That’s me, Aleksandr. Just me, like always.”

He walked behind her, looking at her through her reflection.

“Want me to tell you what I see?” he asked, and she nodded. “I see a girl who’s too young to cave to such sad and deep thoughts such as what the inhabitants of this city are doing of themselves. I see a face with sharp shadows, just as sharp as your thoughts are.” he brushed her damp hair away from her face, tucking them behind her ear. “But look past these features. Look deeper, pretend that this puddle is the sea. And look inside your eyes. Keep believing that one day is going to come someone capable of understanding them, reading them.” he whispered.

She felt breathless. She couldn’t untangle the emotions that boy was instilling in her with such simple words.

“My eyes, Aleksandr, are the colour of ice as well. How can I believe they can melt, they can abandon their coldness, if I can't see past them myself?” she said, low, feeling her voice forsaken her. She was captivated by the image she was seeing, she felt that the girl inside the puddle wasn’t her, that it was another woman who had found some peace of mind. And that the boy behind her didn’t exist, he was just a dream, the voice of her delusions.

“Keep looking at the reflection.” he took a stone from the ground and threw it in the water. The shapes got rippled, the water moved fast and irregularly, and Nika almost gasped. “This is what happens to you every day. The world throws stones at you which upset you, which can hurt your thoughts and poison your own life.” he paused, until the surface was still again. “But you’ve got all the time in the world to wait for the turmoil to pass. And you can't keep looking at yourself in the mirror, sure that the reflection is the only one who can understand you, waiting for your shape to be clear again. Run away when you deem it’s necessary, and once you’ll be back looking at yourself, you won’t see the coldness in your eyes anymore, you won’t see them as mere pieces of ice.” he murmured.

They kept still for a long while, sure that moving would’ve broken that eternal spell they had fallen victims to.

Nika didn’t stop staring at herself.

Aleksandr was right; that image wasn’t real, just like she didn’t feel real.

The storm went on, the rain got even thicker. With it came a fog which confused Nika more than ever.

But she still couldn’t talk, lost in the meanders of that puddle of water which seemed to know more about her life than she did.

“Do you want to go back?” Aleksandr asked, tenderly. She shook her head. She still didn’t feel ready to abandon herself like that, afraid that once that reflection would’ve disappeared from her eyes, her whole existence would’ve crumbled to pieces. A pile of ash was all she expected to become.

“I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here forever.” she whispered, making him smile.

“The sun is going to come back, sooner or later, and it’s going to dry up the water. But there’s more than a surface where you can find yourself.” he explained, pulling her away a little.

She let him move her, passive at the touch of those hands, insensible to the water which had reached under her clothes, under her skin.

They headed back home; without saying a word she grabbed his hand, and got closer to him. She felt attracted by that boy who, she was sure, without knowing her had just changed the way she saw her life, the world surrounding her and that city she loved so much.

One inside they sat in front of the fireplace, trying to dry themselves up a little. While she was fixing the wood, Nika caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror.

She stopped for a moment, then she smiled at the figure looking at her.

 

~

 

In the following years, Nika wasn’t the same anymore. She had kept the main traits of herself, she was always pensive, but in time she had managed to get out of that greyness which had held her captive until that fateful afternoon in February.

Aleksandr had gotten his degree, just like her brother. He still lived in St. Petersburg, the girl had managed to pass some of her love for that city on to him. She deemed that a sort of payment, because he had given her everything.

He was always busy, and they didn’t get too many chances to meet. But she knew how to work around that issue.

She looked at herself in the mirror, and behind her she could see Aleksandr smiling to her.

Engraved in her mind, that image once bared from the rain was the most beautiful thing Nika had ever seen.   

**Eternity in a moment**

St. Petersburg. Petrograd. Whatever they wanted to call it, for Nika that place was just home.          

She had never been the patriotic one, she wasn’t proud of being Russian, too much blood was staining the flag of her country.

The only place she felt bound to was her city, ethereal, motionless, fixed at the age of its establishment.

She loved her St. Petersburg as if it was the mother she had no memory of. Its houses hosted her origins, its streets her education, its history a name. Victory.

She lived in the ancient home of her family with her father and her brother, Ilja. They led a simple life, lacking any form of amusement. Her father holed up in his office and spent hours there, Nika didn’t really know what he did there.

She imagined that often, though. She pictured him watching at the Griboedova channel, dreaming of travels in places across the border. After his wife’s death, nineteen years before a few months after Nika’s birth, her father hadn't left the city again. To travel, he always told her and Ilja, all he needed was his mind.

 

~

 

It was an afternoon in winter, February 1824. Nika was in her room, staring at the landscape outside her window.

It was raining, as it often happened that time of year. A penetrating cold seemed to pierce through her bones and, no matter how much she covered herself, she couldn’t help feeling it.

Her eyes were wandering, having fun following the droplets on the glass, fascinated by their evanescent trail.

Like her life.

She felt so useless in the eyes of the world. So little involved in the links of a system she avoided by her own choice. She was sure that no one could understand her and, after all, she was a woman, and a woman’s main duty was to keep quiet. And she complied with that role perfectly.

She only spoke with her brother, only one in the world who seemed to understand what she concealed deep inside her mind.

And it was her brother himself who came now to interrupt the train of his thoughts.

They were so different.

He looked a lot like their father, tall, his face round and amicable, framed by a thick mess of dark hair, he thought inherited by a lineage of their family coming from southern Europe.

Nika was the spitting image of her mother, according to the few photographs they had left and her father’s memory. Short, her features sharp, her hair blond. She didn’t really stand out there. The only thing they had in common were their eyes, of a blue so light to get confused with its surrounding. They expressed different things, but the girl had always liked finding something of herself in her brother.

“Nika, what are you doing?” he asked, smiling as usual. She shrugged.

“I'm looking at the rain.” she replied, her tone flat. He laughed.

“Can you come downstairs? There’s a friend of mine, I wanted to introduce him to you.”

His sister threw a strange look at him. He knew she didn’t really enjoy dealing with strangers.

“Do I have to? Can't you just tell him I'm feeling indisposed and that I can't come?” she begged her brother.

“Please, Nika. He’s new at my university, he comes from Ekaterinburg, and he doesn’t know anyone in the city. Be nice, for once.” 

She got up, unwillingly, and followed him downstairs.

Once in the living room, Nika saw a boy standing, intent staring a panting on the wall. He was tall, taller than her brother, but blond, almost as much as her. When he turned around she saw a pair of intense blue eyes. He smiled to her.

“Is this a copy of a Goya?” he asked her, without greeting her or introducing himself.

She frowned.

“It’s authentic.” she clarified, making him let out an approving sound.

“I never liked his style too much.”

Nika smiled.

“Me neither. Not of this particular painting, at least. I like better his historical paintings.”

“That’s true. Even though I found them unnecessarily crude.” he added, stepping toward her. “Aleksandr Volkov.” he introduced himself, holding out his hand.

“Nika Kataeva.” she replied, still staring at him.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” he didn’t stop looking either. Ilja, who was standing aside enjoying the scene, decided it was a good moment for him to intervene.

“Nika, I’ve got a class to attend. I was wondering if you couldn’t take Aleksandr around the city.” he said, still smiling. She opened her eyes wide.

“It’s four in the afternoon, Ilja. What class?” she asked, annoyed. Even though the boy had made a good first impression, the idea of spending the afternoon alone with him wasn’t too exciting for her.

“Literature. I'm sorry, I can't really miss it, I’ve got an exam in a few days.” he explained.

His sister had the impression that the whole situation was staged, but she didn’t question her brother’s excuse any longer, not wanting to appear too suspicious.

“Fine. It’s not a problem.” she murmured, glaring toward him.

Once he had left, she turned to look at her guest. She was about to say something, but he beat her to it.

“You’re not forced to spend the day with me, if you don’t want to.” he said, with a tone that Nika found quite tender. She smiled.

“Don’t worry.  I could use some time outside the walls of this house. I just hope you’re used to the cold and rain.”

He smiled back.

“I'm not. In Ekaterinburg it doesn’t rain this much. But I’ve always deemed myself a brave man, and it won’t be a little dampness to stop me.” he declared, making her laugh.

All in all, it was a nice feeling.

 

~

 

The rain was thicker than Nika had originally thought. It dimmed the contours of the city, lending it nuances of grey which made almost lose one’s mind in a dream. She found it was better to imagine, rather than see.

They had bene walking for quite a while, only their soaked cloaks covering them.

“I like this rain.” he said after a while. Until now they had kept quiet, contemplating. She smiled.

“I cannot believe that.” she replied.

“I do. I find it... captivating. In more than one way. Don’t you like it?” he asked.

“I adore it. I just find it weird for someone who’s not used to it to find it pleasant.”

Aleksandr shook his head and didn’t answer. They walked some more until they reached the Hermitage Theatre, and sat down. They didn’t talk much, both of them lost in their thoughts.

Seeing Nika’s face grow sadder and sadder, Aleksandr got concerned.

“I understand it matches the weather, but can I ask why do you have that look on your face?”

Nika didn’t answer right away.

There was a lot inside of her, all things she had always deemed unspeakable, even with Ilja. But that boy, a mere stranger to her, instilled in her a trust she had never felt before. Cautious, she started talking.

“The world we live in is wrong, Aleksandr. There are too many things without a definite place.” she raised her eyes on the palace in front of her. “Look at this city: I love it, and for me it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. But it hasn’t got any warmth. What you see is people, not human beings. They forgot how to live, and they just exist. What’s the meaning?” she asked, passionate. Right after, she blushed. She had never been so frank with someone.

He got up and grabbed her hand, leading her a few metres further, in front of a big puddle.

“Look, Nika, and tell me what do you see.” he murmured, leaving her alone to contemplate herself in what grey water mirror. She got closer, knowing already what she was going to see.

A shadow, and nothing more.

“That’s me, Aleksandr. Just me, like always.”

He walked behind her, looking at her through her reflection.

“Want me to tell you what I see?” he asked, and she nodded. “I see a girl who’s too young to cave to such sad and deep thoughts such as what the inhabitants of this city are doing of themselves. I see a face with sharp shadows, just as sharp as your thoughts are.” he brushed her damp hair away from her face, tucking them behind her ear. “But look past these features. Look deeper, pretend that this puddle is the sea. And look inside your eyes. Keep believing that one day is going to come someone capable of understanding them, reading them.” he whispered.

She felt breathless. She couldn’t untangle the emotions that boy was instilling in her with such simple words.

“My eyes, Aleksandr, are the colour of ice as well. How can I believe they can melt, they can abandon their coldness, if I can't see past them myself?” she said, low, feeling her voice forsaken her. She was captivated by the image she was seeing, she felt that the girl inside the puddle wasn’t her, that it was another woman who had found some peace of mind. And that the boy behind her didn’t exist, he was just a dream, the voice of her delusions.

“Keep looking at the reflection.” he took a stone from the ground and threw it in the water. The shapes got rippled, the water moved fast and irregularly, and Nika almost gasped. “This is what happens to you every day. The world throws stones at you which upset you, which can hurt your thoughts and poison your own life.” he paused, until the surface was still again. “But you’ve got all the time in the world to wait for the turmoil to pass. And you can't keep looking at yourself in the mirror, sure that the reflection is the only one who can understand you, waiting for your shape to be clear again. Run away when you deem it’s necessary, and once you’ll be back looking at yourself, you won’t see the coldness in your eyes anymore, you won’t see them as mere pieces of ice.” he murmured.

They kept still for a long while, sure that moving would’ve broken that eternal spell they had fallen victims to.

Nika didn’t stop staring at herself.

Aleksandr was right; that image wasn’t real, just like she didn’t feel real.

The storm went on, the rain got even thicker. With it came a fog which confused Nika more than ever.

But she still couldn’t talk, lost in the meanders of that puddle of water which seemed to know more about her life than she did.

“Do you want to go back?” Aleksandr asked, tenderly. She shook her head. She still didn’t feel ready to abandon herself like that, afraid that once that reflection would’ve disappeared from her eyes, her whole existence would’ve crumbled to pieces. A pile of ash was all she expected to become.

“I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here forever.” she whispered, making him smile.

“The sun is going to come back, sooner or later, and it’s going to dry up the water. But there’s more than a surface where you can find yourself.” he explained, pulling her away a little.

She let him move her, passive at the touch of those hands, insensible to the water which had reached under her clothes, under her skin.

They headed back home; without saying a word she grabbed his hand, and got closer to him. She felt attracted by that boy who, she was sure, without knowing her had just changed the way she saw her life, the world surrounding her and that city she loved so much.

One inside they sat in front of the fireplace, trying to dry themselves up a little. While she was fixing the wood, Nika caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror.

She stopped for a moment, then she smiled at the figure looking at her.

 

~

 

In the following years, Nika wasn’t the same anymore. She had kept the main traits of herself, she was always pensive, but in time she had managed to get out of that greyness which had held her captive until that fateful afternoon in February.

Aleksandr had gotten his degree, just like her brother. He still lived in St. Petersburg, the girl had managed to pass some of her love for that city on to him. She deemed that a sort of payment, because he had given her everything.

He was always busy, and they didn’t get too many chances to meet. But she knew how to work around that issue.

She looked at herself in the mirror, and behind her she could see Aleksandr smiling to her.

Engraved in her mind, that image once bared from the rain was the most beautiful thing Nika had ever seen.   


End file.
